Love Hurts, Razor Blades Hurt More
by TigerLilysxTattooedButterflies
Summary: Hikaru was dead. It was as simple as that, or was it? Kaoru isn't taking this very well, and circumstances that follow just make it worse. rated T. implied-shown HikaruxKaoru, Twincest. ::character death:: -suicide- Don't read if you don't like!


**A/N: **ok so this one is another one I dreamt up! I hope you like it! --character death-- T for dark plot ideas i guess! oh and implied, or shown, twincest!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ouran, if I did, well trust me, there would have been a lot more scenes with the twins shirtless!

* * *

Hikaru was dead.

And that simple fact wasn't fair, at least to Kaoru it wasn't.

No one knew why Hikaru had done it.

No one knew why Hikaru would kill himself, not even Kaoru.

This didn't stop Kaoru from obsessing over it and trying to figure it out though. The only thing Kaoru seemed to know was that somehow it was his fault.

He had been pushing Hikaru to Haruhi,

Was that the problem? Was that part of the reason Hikaru decided _**this**_ was the best option he had left?

Did Hikaru feel like Kaoru had abandoned him?!

God, Kaoru hoped not.

If Hikaru had thought Kaoru was slowly losing any interest and compassion for the older twin, well, there was no way Hikaru would have been more wrong.

Kaoru had loved his brother, and he still loved him.

That was why this hurt Kaoru so badly.

After all, it had been Kaoru who had found his poor brother's body.

* * *

Kaoru had walked into the bedroom he shared with his brother.

The original goal had been to get another notebook for his homework. Unfortunately, soon that all changed.

The lights in the room were all off and the blinds were drawn on the windows.

This had struck Kaoru as odd because it was late evening, so the room was now incredibly dark.

In the darkness, Kaoru could make out the shape of his brother laying on the bed.

_Asleep already…_ Kaoru thought and sighed.

"Hikaru…you have to wake up! You haven't even started your homework yet!" Kaoru called out.

He got no response.

This also struck him as odd; it wasn't like Hikaru to completely ignore him…

"Come on Hikaru…" he tried again and this time he shook Hikaru slightly.

What he felt horrified him.

He could feel the tips of his fingers dip into some warm and sticky liquid.

Quickly he flipped on the light.

And he saw it.

He saw his brother laying there, eyes closed, a razor casually dropped by his hand, and both his wrists were bleeding

Kaoru screamed.

He screamed louder and longer than he ever thought he could.

By the time his mother and father came in, and had the same reaction, Kaoru was shaking.

No, that didn't describe it properly.

Tremors were going all through-out his body.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Kaoru started CPR on his mirror image.

But it was a useless attempt, his brother was gone. For good.

Hikaru was never coming back.

* * *

The severity of the situation hadn't hit Kaoru until the next day.

Kaoru had decided to go to school for some reason, but his thoughts never even entered the building.

Every once in a while someone would walk up to him and say how sorry they were for his loss.

He would nod and try to fake a small smile, and then excuse himself.

He hated those people. They didn't honestly care.

The fan girls that came were only sorry that now they couldn't be amused after school.

And the rest?

Well they were clearly just saying it to help their family's relationship with the Hitachiins.

The rest of his school time was sent thinking about Hikaru.

He would never get to hear Hikaru's laugh again. It had always sounded happier than his.

But had it changed towards the end? Had the laugh seemed more strained, more forced, recently?

No.

There just hadn't been a clear change!

Kaoru would never get to make his brother smile again. He would never get to comfort his brother when he cried…

But maybe he never did a good enough job with that anyway.

* * *

He, almost in a trance, went to the host club after school, but he just sat and watched.

When that was done he walked back home and he half-heartedly did his homework.

He was tired.

He hadn't slept at all the night before, not as if that was a surprise.

Finally Kaoru decided to lay down on the couch.

He couldn't go back into the room; he couldn't even pass by it.

The only time he had even gotten near it since then, was to yell at a poor, unsuspecting, maid.

She had been going to clean out the blood stain in the carpet, formed when one of Hikaru's arms had slipped and hung down, making a pool of blood underneath.

Kaoru wasn't going to have that, and he clearly let the maid know.

He wasn't sure why he reacted so…violently…to the situation.

He guessed that the blood was the only thing left that truly showed that his brother had been there, and what he had done.

Kaoru sighed as he closed his eyes.

He would have to apologize to the maid later…

And then, though he was hesitant to do so, he let himself slip into sleep.

He would later thank god that he did.

In his dreams he could see Hikaru.

Sometimes it was normal; it would be a random situation, and his brother would just happen to be there.

But at other times…

At other times he could sit down and talk to his brother.

It was just like Hikaru was still alive.

It couldn't have been just dreams…it was supernatural.

But honestly, Kaoru didn't give a damn about that. He just cared that he could talk to his brother again.

He would ask Hikaru questions; he would tell him about things happening at school.

Kaoru never questioned why his brother was there; for fear that Hikaru might leave again if he did.

Since when had he become so dependent on his brother?

Oh that's right, since forever. He had always desperately needed and wanted his brother at his side.

But the one question Kaoru wanted the answer to the most, Hikaru wouldn't.

Every so often Kaoru would feel brave, brave enough to ask Hikaru again.

He would ask Hikaru why he had killed himself.

This was the only time Hikaru would go completely silent.

Hikaru's expression would slowly change.

The smile that beautifully graced his lips would disappear.

He would look so sad, as if he was crying tears that just never came.

And then he would start to fade.

It was as if his whole essence and soul started dying when he thought about that.

Panic would pulse though Kaoru.

He would grab onto his twin's hand and quickly change the subject.

No answer was worth hurting Hikaru like that, or making him go away.

Just the thought made Kaoru shudder.

* * *

It was amazing that all of this had occurred in just a few days. Hikaru's funeral hadn't even taken place yet!

Today Kaoru came home early. It had been a rather bad day, to put it lightly.

He had failed nearly every test he had taken, which bothered Kaoru, but even under the circumstances he could have dealt with it.

The host club had been the real problem.

The fan girls that came to him only cared about the drama.

They would constantly ask about Hikaru.

Did they know why he did it yet?

Did he think Hikaru was happy now?

With this Kaoru's patience was already running thin, but Haruhi had to add to it didn't she?!

She was such a whore.

When Hikaru was around she always made it seem she was interested in him.

But now that he was gone…Kaoru really hated her.

With Hikaru gone she didn't even hold back on flirting with Tamaki!

Kaoru wasn't even sure she realized how bad she was!

Well if she didn't, Kaoru had let her know.

He called her everything he could think of.

Everyone was shocked by him.

She had sickened him and he let her know exactly how he felt about that!

After that he had just ran out…

When Kaoru got home all he really wanted to do was sleep.

That was the only thing he actually enjoyed now.

He would spend most of his time dreaming; talking with his twin.

In the case that he didn't dream of that, he would simply force himself awake and try again.

But today something willed him to start his homework right away.

It was all so boring…

Even English didn't interest—crap. He had forgotten his English textbook at school.

He sighed to himself and then he realized something.

He toyed with the idea to himself.

Finally he decided to go for it.

He knew inside his brother's book bag, was sitting the very book he needed.

* * *

He slowly got up and walked into the room.

He paused by the bed, then by the stain.

He knelt down and unzipped the bag.

But it was as he rummaged around for the textbook that he noticed something.

He found a folded piece of paper, very crisp and neat, a pure brand-new white color.

It seemed so out of place that Kaoru just _**had**_ to pick it up.

He opened it carefully, as if something terrible might happen if he ruined its prestige.

What he then saw, he never suspected.

He saw his name written at the top in beautiful script.

There was no mistaking who wrote this letter.

It was Hikaru.

It had always amazed Kaoru how, when he wanted to, Hikaru could write absolutely beautifully.

Better than anyone they knew.

It read:

_My dear lovely Kaoru,_

_Ah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be calling you mine. That was the whole point of this after all, but never mind that now. You must be so confused right now, and let me just start off by saying how incredibly sorry I am. I honestly am, with all my heart._

_Recently I've changed. Or maybe it isn't recently, maybe I've been slowly slipping to this for a long time. All I know is that my thoughts aren't what they used to be. Such little things set me off, send me into this dark feeling. It feels so empty and hollow, and I don't know… Sometimes I think I like it better than pretending to be happy. Because of this…I've contemplated certain things. And I keep thinking of them._

_As your twin I know what you must be thinking right now. You think you could have stopped all this. But you're wrong. As much as I love you, and my God I do love you, you are completely wrong. There is nothing you could do. Nothing would have helped. If you had tried to stop all this, I would have just felt worse. Please, please, don't feel helpless or like this was your fault._

_Now I guess I should finally tell you why. Well to be honest, even I'm not completely sure. I don't know when it started, but I began to hate myself. It became me detesting myself with a great passion. I could see you trying to get me closer to Haruhi. I hate to tell you that it never would have worked; I just didn't love her. **No.** That is not part of the reason why I'm like this. Stop thinking that right now. I mean it._

_Kaoru, the person I loved like that, not like family, was you. Please don't hate me. Don't hate me for either feeling this way or for never telling you. Though I don't honestly believe it, my greatest hope had always been that you would feel the same. Then I realized something. Even if you loved me the same way, I couldn't do this to you. If I was going down for this, I sure as hell couldn't bring you down with me. And then I had another realization. When you tried to put me with Haruhi, you were giving me independence, even though you still wanted me with you. You always had been so selfless. I realized I had to do the same for you now._

_And so, if you're reading this I must have gone through with it. I have kept this letter hidden until then, and even then I won't have just left it out. I had to make sure Mom and Dad didn't find this instead of you. Kaoru, listen please. I can't stress enough that this was not your fault. So again Kaoru, I'm so terribly sorry. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I'm so selfish… I'm just sorry._

_Love,_

_Hikaru_

Kaoru just blinked, and then stared at the paper.

There was no way he had really just read that…

Hikaru…had loved…him…

Then and there Kaoru realized he loved his brother back exactly the same way.

No, that was a lie.

Somewhere deep down he had always known.

In the back of his head, in some half complete thought, he was saying sorry to his parents.

Not for loving his brother, oh no, for what he was going to do next.

He wasn't going to do anything out of guilt as people would probably think.

He was doing this out of love and the desire to be with his brother, _**his**_ love, again.

* * *

It all happened amazingly fast.

He had gone outside, stuck deep in thought about how to do it.

And then he saw the bus.

No it wasn't original, but who honestly cared?!

He ran straight in front of it, as soon as it was moving again.

He could hear some woman's scream in the background.

He felt something crash into him, some pain, and then him falling onto the ground.

He smiled to himself, a bright beaming smile, like the one he had seen on Hikaru's face when they found him.

And then he felt, saw, and heard nothing.

* * *

Kaoru got up.

He saw his body laying on the ground.

The smile still graced those, now ice cold, lips.

He might have watched for a little bit longer, except he heard something.

He heard someone crying, and something urged him to follow the noise.

He came to a building, just a little down the street.

He turned and walked along the side.

It was there, in a dark corner hugging against the side of the building, that he saw the huddled mass letting off the pitiful noises.

There was no mistaking who it was.

His other half was sitting there, sobbing.

He was hugging onto his knees, his face buried against them, and his whole body was shaking.

"You weren't supposed to do that Kaoru! You were supposed to be happy! I just wanted you to be happy now! Without having to worry about me!" Hikaru cried, his voice cracking every little bit.

"I know you did Hikaru…I know…" Kaoru murmured soothingly, as he stroked Hikaru's hair.

Hikaru flinched, but then leaned against Kaoru slightly.

"Why…?"

"Because there was one little mistake you made Hikaru."

Kaoru held Hikaru's face against his own and brushed his cheek gently.

"What? I did…? I'm sorry… What'd I do?"

"Don't be sorry silly… And, Hika, you didn't realize that I _**can't**_ be happy without you!"

Kaoru smiled and Hikaru just looked up at him.

Hikaru cried a little more and then hugged onto the younger sibling as hard as he could.

"Hikaru…I read the letter…and I love you."

"I love you too Kaoru. So much."

* * *

~A few days later~

Everyone mourned the deaths of the dear Hitachiin twins.

They had a beautiful double funeral, the two coffins positioned side by side.

The entire host club was there, as well as many of their fans.

Their mother cried during it as their father held her tightly in his arms.

They all took and waited turns going up to the casket to say goodbye to their friends one last time.

Haruhi walked up and just started crying, uncharacteristic behavior for her.

Tamaki ran up and held onto her.

He looked upon the devilish twins again.

As he comforted Haruhi he muttered something about "those damn demon twins" and he wished he "never had complained about their stupid pranks."

As he gently led Haruhi back to their seats, Kyoya went up.

Kyoya stood there, behind his glasses no one could tell how upset he really was and that tears threatened to show.

He mumbled something about "the decrease in funds they'll get now" and how "this was all really annoying," before he sat back down.

Mori and Hunny walked up together.

Hunny cried and called out to "Hika-chan" and "Kao-chan".

Mori simply said "bye." as he lifted up Hunny, but his friends could tell he looked distracted and his eyes glistened a little.

The fan girls all cried, but two made a particular scene.

They had been slightly closer to the twins, more like friends.

One yelled out, cursing Hikaru, mad at him for being so stupid and leaving them all.

She only stopped when she saw her own twin sister breakdown in tears over Kaoru, who she had loved for quite some time.

Slowly the two regained composure as they hugged and comforted each other.

And speaking of fan girls, the number one fan herself, Renge, was there as well.

She ran up in hysterics, bawling about dual unrequited love, and how beautifully sad this all was.

And it was only the two unseen, spectral, figures in the back that knew how write she was.

Or should they say, _**had been**_.

They loved each other, they knew it, and no one could take that away.

Love hurts.

Razor blades hurt more.

But being with the one you love for ever and ever, throughout eternity, well that doesn't hurt at all.

That's the best, happiest, feeling a person could ever have.

~_**The End**_~


End file.
